Cottman,Crawford and the Jersey guy.
Two Brooklyn born gen X guys and a Jersey millennial shooting the shit. Talking about everything and anything. Ready to hear topic suggestions for future podcasts and feedback on those we have recorded. Follow and Like us on FaceBook & Instagram. Email: CCandNJGuy@Gmail.com
Cottman,Crawford and the Jersey guy.
Defining Narcissism and Social Media Personas: Understanding Deep-Seated Traits, Celebrity Humility, and Generational Wisdom
Ever wondered if those annoying self-promoters on social media are actual narcissists, or just savvy marketers? In our latest episode of Cottman, Crawford, and the Jersey Guy, we kick things off with a light-hearted chat about birthdays and the joys (and occasional headaches) of raising kids. But don’t be fooled by the banter—things get deep and fascinating fast. We dive into the world of narcissism, breaking down Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and how it differs from just being a bit full of yourself. Drawing from the myth of Narcissus, we explore the origins of narcissistic tendencies, whether they come from upbringing, trauma, or a mix of life experiences.
Next up, we dissect the various types of narcissism, focusing particularly on overt and covert narcissists. Learn how overt narcissists flaunt their supposed superiority and how covert narcissists hide behind a façade of humility while harboring deep-seated insecurities. We also tackle the hot topic of social media’s role in promoting narcissistic behavior—does self-promotion for likes and followers make you a narcissist, or is it just part of the game? Plus, we'll get into malignant narcissism and grandiose narcissism, providing clarity on these complex terms and what they mean in everyday life.
To round things out, we share some heartwarming stories about celebrities who genuinely appreciate their fans, like Curtis Granderson and even a surprising moment with former President Reagan. We also examine how generational advice plays a role in shaping our behaviors and relationships. Personal growth, small gestures of gratitude, and the art of letting younger folks make their own mistakes are all on the table. As always, we wrap up with our heartfelt thanks to our fantastic listeners for their continued support. Join us for a rich blend of humor, introspection, and insights into human behavior that you won't want to miss!
Please Subscribe/Follow the Cottman, Crawford & The Jersey Guy Podcast.
Follow us on Instagram and Facebook.
https://linktr.ee/ccandnjguy
Email us all your feedback, comments & suggestions at: CCandNJGuy@Gmail.com
Cotman, crawford and the Jersey Guy podcast.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody, kenny Cotman Lewis.
Speaker 1:Crawford and I'm Tom Ramage, the Jersey Guy.
Speaker 2:What's up, gentlemen? What's going on? How's?
Speaker 3:it going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how's everybody doing?
Speaker 3:Doing good Very good, yeah, very good, welcome back. Thanks for having me back again. Yeah, yeah, third time. Third time's a charm. Get my jacket soon. I get my number three jacket. No, no, no.
Speaker 4:Start with a t-shirt.
Speaker 2:Start with a t-shirt. Yeah, I'll have the t-shirt for you next time.
Speaker 4:All right With a four on it. We're going to have to get something made.
Speaker 2:Eventually, we'll have to do that. Yeah, no, if I have somebody, I'm going to turn them on and yeah, we'll figure it out. There's more in that stuff. Yeah, and before we start, I just remembered. So today is my youngest son's birthday, andrew. Happy birthday, happy on Monday, the 16th. So happy birthday, big girl, I love you. There you go. Yeah, so my kids are old as hell. Oh, yeah, I'm loving this.
Speaker 4:Wow, yeah, Mine too bro.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you got the real old kids right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I do.
Speaker 3:Thanks for reminding me, I do appreciate it. No, no, no, I got a 20 and 17. No.
Speaker 2:My daughter's going to be 28. Oh, 28., oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just saying that her birthday's on the 16th.
Speaker 2:On the 16th, yeah, no no, my son Andrew, he's 26. They got a bunch of birthdays.
Speaker 3:So I'm the oldest one here and I have the youngest kids. Is what we're saying? Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanted to get them out the way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what's?
Speaker 2:good gentlemen. Everything else is gravy, everything's good. Talk to us. What's our today's topic?
Speaker 4:Yeah, today's topic Is going to be on narcissism, right. Because, you know we always we know somebody, we see it Every day. Obviously, we're not going to go.
Speaker 2:You know we're just going to Generally talk about it. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, we know people we don't want to get crazy, but people will know. Right. So now here's the thing. Professional definition of narcissism.
Speaker 1:So it's NPD right.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, you go. That's what I'm asking.
Speaker 3:Some people use it. Yes, yes, it's NPD.
Speaker 1:Colloquially, they use it to describe someone who's egotistical, narcissistic personality. Describe someone who's egotistical, right? Yeah, yeah, is the is the official name for it. Yes, right, I know, people use it, you know?
Speaker 3:just like, if someone's egotistical, odd person's a narcissist, yeah, but there's a distinct, distinct.
Speaker 1:It's a little bit more than that. Yeah, you know it's like.
Speaker 3:It's like when somebody's sad and say, oh, they're depressed, where clinical depression is just a bit more than being sad yeah right so um yeah, having npd is a little bit more than than just being a little self-centered, and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so narcissists they're basically just about themselves.
Speaker 3:It's an extreme overvalue of yourself, of your accomplishments, of your worth, worth. It's a need to surround yourself, uh around important people, um to make yourself uh the best look at me, look at me, look what I did we've, we have the best of the.
Speaker 1:You know the best, and the biggest and there is a there is an upgrade from narcissism right malignant narcissism right seriously is there malignant narcissism? Is that like a term?
Speaker 3:you throw me trick okay sorry, let's look it up.
Speaker 4:Somebody look it up on their phone and check it out.
Speaker 2:You know certain people you know some public figures who are like over the edge with it.
Speaker 1:They I've heard the term malignant narcissism okay, all right, well I think it's mixed with, uh, anti-social personality, absolutely anti-social behavior, yeah well if you're separating yourself, all right.
Speaker 3:I think it's mixed with antisocial personality, absolutely Antisocial behavior.
Speaker 4:Well you're separating yourself from everybody. They try too freaking hard too.
Speaker 3:You're so much better than everybody. You're so much greater than everybody. Some would say that you are the best that there's ever been. If those are your beliefs, then yeah, you're kind of separating yourself from reality and the world and the people around you.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:Well, you know, I thought it was a good topic because it's not only something we know and we see every day when we're, you know, listening to the whatever, yeah, but you know people in our lives, right? So we know people and people who know people, or you know what people that we may have worked with back in the day, who knows but the fact of how people think like that, you know what I mean, was there something that happened? You know, like, was there any kind of trauma, that, or was it just the way they were brought up, or or the combination of everything, I guess, in life, well, I mean, if you look at just the, you look at the whole where narcissism comes from, from narcissists right From the Greek mythology.
Speaker 3:This was the prince who fell in love with his image.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:And he kneeled to a pool of water to get a drink and saw something just so beautiful that he could not take his eyes off of it and fell in love with it and died as a result of being in love with his own beauty. So, yeah, I mean, there are people who, just, you know, they're so enthralled with themselves that they limit themselves from being able to be a part of society and be reality-based. So, yeah, and where does it come from? It could come from a need to bring themselves up, because nobody else did that. You know, if you're coming from a really dysfunctional family and no love and no esteem is going there, you kind of create that, that environment for yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah Right, I mean, I would think you know just professionally, I would say that you know. You know just professionally, I would say that you know our behavior comes from. You know we learn our behavior.
Speaker 4:Right. It's learned behavior, different events in our lives Right.
Speaker 3:And how we process it. Sometimes we process things really healthy and other times we don't.
Speaker 4:Right, yeah, it's just, it's when you know people. Now I have people in my life. It's to the point where it's I love the what. The one thing that I that they like to try to do is to, when they have caught with something or they've proven wrong, they turn it around and they put it right back on you because you're the reason why it happened, kind of thing. You know what I mean? That whole mindset that they can't even accept the fact that they made a mistake or they fucked up or they were wrong, so now they have to turn around and go. It's really you. That's why, because of you, or whatever their excuse might- be.
Speaker 2:Am I wrong about that, steve? My question I'm sorry I mean, because my question would be is that narcissism or that's just? Is it something else? I?
Speaker 3:mean that sounds a little bit more like borderline personality.
Speaker 4:Denial.
Speaker 3:But yeah, a lot of denial, a lot of blaming, you know, not taking responsibility. I mean the person, the narcissistic person, would never admit that they did something wrong, right, of course.
Speaker 4:Well, that's what I'm saying. Okay, that's why I say they would.
Speaker 3:It's always you know, no matter what they wouldn't even get into a discussion with you that they were wrong. It was just they're right you don't understand. You're right.
Speaker 2:You can't fathom what I'm telling you, because you're not as smart as I am smart as right, because I'm the smartest man in the room so I keep giving away hints no, it's all right, it's okay
Speaker 4:we're being good, you know we're being good so what we're trying to do, people here, we're trying to be not being politically correct because we're not looking to make it that kind of conversation.
Speaker 1:So usually with narcissism is it usually like there's a lot of manipulative behavior gaslighting stuff like that.
Speaker 3:Hey, you're just, you're viewing yourself as you're just, you're overvaluing yourself, your role in something. You know I was trying to think of some. You know just simple examples. You know beforehand and you know it would be the kid. You know the guy who played, you know, played over 40 softball and talked about how. You know how he played professional baseball. Right, you know I was a great athlete and a super athlete and I hit. You know I led the league in home runs and all that. But you know all he did is play. He played a Sunday morning beer league for two years and had a couple of home runs, but he talked about himself like he was in the hall.
Speaker 4:Like Kramer who went to karate class and he was fighting the kids, yeah, and beat right. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3:Right, well, but then it would be him later on telling about how he defeated a whole class of black belts and things like that. Yeah, he was just kind of overvaluing and misinterpreting what he actually did, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a friend who I believe may have been, but everything he did was the best. No one else was better. So we were in high school he had like a Blazer and he said oh, blazers are the best, the best cars I'll outrace anybody. And then he got like a Jetta and he's like oh, I raced a Corvette and I won in my Jetta. And he's just like oh. Jettas are the best cars. German engine cars are the best.
Speaker 4:Everything's the best.
Speaker 1:Everything's the best that he did.
Speaker 3:And you and you know you have to be careful when you're diagnosing somebody with right, with things. You know, yeah, you know, I think you know we, we as, just as as people, we, we throw around those, yeah we throw around terms real easy, like, like, like, oh, this person's depressed, or or you know they're, they're suffering from anxiety and things. Like you know, there's clinical definitions of things and then there's there's just like the layman's interpretations of something yeah, yeah, right you know somebody's?
Speaker 3:uh, if there's a lot of low self-esteem and somebody has to build themselves up because they have the best car and the best house and the best clothes and the best. You know they do all that, so they do what they need to do to make themselves, you know, to build themselves up. But you know, but the true narcissist, just yeah, everything is just everything from, not just the core.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, it's everything, Everything it's everything. Well, it's their personality.
Speaker 4:My toilet flushes better than anybody else's.
Speaker 3:It's the best toilet in the world.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:Yeah, See, now, I never thought about what you're saying. Now, if I had a Toto, I would say it was the best toilet in the world. This guy, I had a Toto.
Speaker 2:But that's a but. Would that be something that you would call bullies? Like are bullies? An artist could be.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Again, I mean, that's a word, I mean, you know, I have.
Speaker 4:Or is that just a separate thing? I mean bullies.
Speaker 3:I mean, I think the term bully gets thrown around Way too easily.
Speaker 2:Incorrectly.
Speaker 3:Right, you know, in front of somebody you're shaming people, you're making them do things that they don't want to do. Okay, fair enough.
Speaker 4:Putting them down because they come from a certain place.
Speaker 3:So it's not. You know, I cannot want to play with you because I don't like you. That doesn't mean I'm bullying you it just means I don't like you, right. But if I say no, we can't play with Kenny because he smells.
Speaker 1:Right If I say no, we can't play with Kenny because he smells, right, he does sometimes. That's kicking, that's bullying on you, it's probably true Lots of, while Now do people?
Speaker 2:I didn't hear you ask before, I'm sorry. Do people develop I guess we'll say narcissism, or is it just Learned behavior? Yeah, is it a learned behavior? Is it something that they just develop because of an inferiority complex?
Speaker 3:kind of thing. Why can it be both? I don't know. That's what I'm asking. I want to make sure I want to make sure.
Speaker 4:That's what I don't like A lot of what I was trying to say earlier, like did something happen earlier in their life to lead them to be the way they were?
Speaker 3:obviously yeah, and it could be your upbringing Right family, that's always telling you you know again you know we want to. We want to praise our children and let them know that they're, that they're worthwhile and everything but if a lot of competition. But if you're never if you're never correcting your kid that did something wrong right or you know you're you're uh rewarding them for you're you're making you're making uh things extremely special when they're not Right. It's over-exaggeration, thank you, over-exaggerating their accomplishments. I mean, that's what narcissism?
Speaker 3:is is over-exaggerating your accomplishments. So you know your parents are buying you presents because you colored in the lines you know at five years old or whatever, and they just keep on that behavior as you get older and older.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you're going to think keep on that behavior as you get older.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, You're going to think that everything that you do is is special. And you know, listen, I, I think you know we all love our kids, or kids are all special, but they're special to us, they're not special to everybody. Right.
Speaker 2:What they do is not always.
Speaker 3:You know, it's not always great to everybody else. Regular kid stuff.
Speaker 1:I hear a lot of terms thrown around here and there on the internet, like overt narcissism and covert narcissism. Are those things, or that's just like street?
Speaker 4:terms. What would be a covert narcissism. Like you're a special forces in.
Speaker 2:We didn't prep him for it. I told you, you guys didn't prep me. No, I mean I hear.
Speaker 1:Covert narcissism is where they're not.
Speaker 3:They're not overt about it, Just like throwing things in, just little examples of little praise, little sneaky praise about how great they are and stuff like that. And then the overt is the obvious one. You're just basically coming out and saying how wonderful you are and how you're the best at everything. Nobody's better than you. Nobody's ever been better than you.
Speaker 1:Because I know there's a lot of like tiktok channels and people doing stuff and you know saying things, but I don't know if you know if any of them are like legit, you know yeah, I, I mean I, I, I watch very little tiktok yeah or instagram. You know, yeah, right, yeah, it gets a little, it gets a little crazy. You know what the thing is if you like. Like, yeah, or Instagram, yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 3:It gets a little, it gets a little crazy.
Speaker 1:I know what the thing is. If you like, like one video about someone talking about narcissism, then like the next.
Speaker 2:Like as you're scrolling through like 10 videos, I know if you like that one, then you'll love this video. Right, your whole feed is yeah and then it's half of it is listen.
Speaker 3:We want to talk about narcissism, tiktok and Instagram all day that's our fuel for narcissistic behavior. Nowadays, everything is about likes and because, how many likes am I going to get?
Speaker 4:and they're looking in the mirror and always checking themselves out. It's okay to do that, but when you? But when you do it all the time.
Speaker 3:Basically, people just post in videos because they think that they're attractive. Whether they are or not is irrelevant, but that's the purpose of posting Right right.
Speaker 2:Okay. So then now here's the next question for that People is it really that they're narcissists? People, is it really that they're narcissists? Because if you get a certain amount of likes on social media and you get to that status, you now get paid for it. So then, is it more? Would that be narcissism or would?
Speaker 1:that be trying to get a job. You could have been doing it for narcissism.
Speaker 4:That's what started you to do it.
Speaker 3:We're in a social media society nowadays where everything is Like, even this podcast.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Like, you guys came up with a podcast Like hey, people want to hear what we have to say.
Speaker 4:That's right. Oh, we hope so.
Speaker 3:Podcasts are really interesting and they have great topics and wonderful guests, but it's like, hey, people want to hear what we have to say, we want to talk, we want to share our message. I don't think that's narcissistic behavior, it's just. You know, we watch TV shows, we watch stuff. But just social media is just all about self-promotion, right.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:That's what it is.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I guess that can be a form of narcissistic behavior, not not your classic one, because you know people profit from it. It becomes their jobs. I mean because in that case, right, any actor or actress would be a narcissist. Any musician, any, any, any, any athlete would be that. But but it's not always about that sometimes it's just about talent and doing what you like to do, and oh and it's.
Speaker 4:I just looked up. Uh, covert, covert, I'm sorry yeah narcissism. Vulnerable narcissists are more sensitive and insecure than grandiose ones. They may feel entitled, but also feel misunderstood, anxious and self-conscious. Their narcissism is often more subtle and can manifest in passive-aggressive behavior and feeling of victimhood.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:That's interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like.
Speaker 1:I said I don't know if any of these are colloquial terms. Right, You're the therapist. So If you're a narcissist.
Speaker 2:I typically don't deal with that. That's out of my scope. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:But I mean, if you're a narcissist, you think you're great and everything's great- Right, yeah, yeah, yeah Right. But I mean, if you're a narcissist, you think you're great and everything's great, right? So I mean being a covert narcissist, I guess, kind of goes against being a narcissist, right, right. Because you're getting self-doubt now and you're wondering is it true? Is there something wrong with me?
Speaker 4:Right, because it's more of a vulnerable type of narcissism. It's really weird. How about malignant narcissism? This is considered the most harmful form, combining aspects of narcissism with antisocial behavior, aggression and sadism. Malignant narcissism are manipulative, exploitive and often enjoy hurting others. They may also show paranoia and lack of remorse. I do know these motherfuckers okay, one person oh yeah bro, oh yeah, but then that.
Speaker 2:But see, for me that sounds more like psychopath shit, that sounds like it sounds like any hate group yeah right.
Speaker 3:You know, like you know our people sorry for the yeah, we're the best and we need to eliminate these other people, any kind of group so you're better than they are you shouldn't be here.
Speaker 4:It's crazy, grandiose. This is the most recognizable form of narcissism. Grandiose narcissists are confident, assertive and often arrogant. They seek admiration and tend to have a sense of superiority, entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. Now we do know everybody in this room knows that someone that has all of these Right, okay, right, so I'm assuming that narcissism you can have more than one type. You can be all of the above type of narcissism.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right Of course, yeah. I agree with that. I mean, like I said, we've all met people. We all know people Right, have heard of people. I've seen people. We're having all these things Right. You know what I'm saying, and so much to perform.
Speaker 1:They like talking shit about other people.
Speaker 2:Right, making them, blowing them Right.
Speaker 1:But it's to make themselves sound better.
Speaker 4:You know like oh yeah, that person more the bully type, narcissist, right, well, it's like.
Speaker 3:it's like that, that I think you put it up on one of your posts. It's like you know, leaders or or don't, don't put people down, right they yeah, and if we're always putting you know, if you, if you have, if I have to put you down in order to feel better about to motivate me.
Speaker 4:There's something wrong. Yeah, there's something right me absolutely. Yeah, it's definitely the wrong uh path to go down.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I guess we use these negative qualities in our everyday life. A lot of people like listen. I guess, I'm not a professional athlete, but I would imagine there's a lot of similarities between that on the field. I'm sure, absolutely, you have to have that self-confidence, you have to think that nobody can beat you and nobody's better than you, but you also have to think that nobody can beat you and nobody's better than you and then.
Speaker 4:But you also have to be humble too, and that would probably be right after okay, when the whistle blows, right, when you know when the clock when you're in the moment.
Speaker 3:Yeah right, you have to go back to being a human being, right?
Speaker 4:and you hope that's what happens, but not a lot of them do, though a lot of them are stuck in that you know.
Speaker 1:I'm higher, I'm, you know yeah, better than everybody else a lot about that and he told on podcasts and stuff like that is Mike Tyson. You know what I love him.
Speaker 3:It's funny, I was just going to give an example as brutal as Mike Tyson used to be in the ring. What?
Speaker 4:did he always do.
Speaker 3:After the fight he went and he hugged his opponents Right After. He knocked them silly, knocked them fucking unconscious, and he would go and hug them to make sure that they were okay. Right Even the ones that he said he was going to eat their children, right, yeah, I remember that. I remember that.
Speaker 4:I remember that Psychological warfare, but you know what it's good to watch him now, because he's come to a place in his life where he you could see it, where he talks about he talks about. He's humble, he is more aware and he's right.
Speaker 2:yeah, he does a lot. He likes to eat a lot of shrooms.
Speaker 4:I saw him on a podcast where he just ate a handful of shrooms he's talked about.
Speaker 1:Like you know he goes. Oh yeah, you know he goes. I've gotten to that place before where my head blows up and I get all crazy. He goes. I got to bring myself down, he goes, and that's what he's talking about. Also, when he was doing coke too right, you know it's another story too, because that, you know, blows your head off.
Speaker 4:But you know he's so much level and much.
Speaker 3:You know when you know he's come and he's had a tremendous amount of trauma.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and he's come far from where he, from where he was, and he knows like. I remember watching him. They were talking about his, me, misery and all the shit that I went through in my life. He was like he didn't. He wasn't as proud as you think he would be because of what happened while he was going through that time and everything was happening. It was a bad. It wasn't great all the time. So for him he's had shit going on and at the same time he was battling like that but then that's the thing, though, I mean, I guess.
Speaker 2:So here we have we're talking sports, you know, athletes, celebrities. You have musicians that are just amazing Right now when they turn around and they're talking about you know, I've written this song, or they don't. They don't sign the autographs because they're. Would that really be considered narcissism, or just because they're tired of the fame? Yeah, I think I think.
Speaker 4:I think, they're higher than I think it gets to people after a while.
Speaker 1:You know to me I always try to put myself in other people's shoes, right, and I say you know, can you imagine like going out to eat and people are like bothering you when you're?
Speaker 2:eating.
Speaker 1:That's the one thing I would never do to anybody, if I saw another celebrity, if they're eating dinner.
Speaker 2:I know about me when I'm eating.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And you know what I would never do that.
Speaker 4:I would never do that People just approaching them in the street.
Speaker 1:They're just trying to get to where they're going, but I guess that comes to the territory. But I think people, I think a lot of celebrities they know that they're going to be famous but they don't know what it's like.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Or they have an idea what it's. You should respect the people absolutely, you see when they're walking, people grabbing at them.
Speaker 4:I don't know how people do that shit.
Speaker 3:I was never a big Justin Bieber fan when he was younger. He was kind of a jerk, but I've seen him older where he's walking down the street and the paparazzi's in his face and taking pictures and all that stuff and just real classy, he turns around to me and goes can I just go have dinner with my family?
Speaker 2:Can I just go eat a meal? Do we have to do this now?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and really respectful. I increased my respect for him with that. But yeah, I mean, just imagine, everywhere you go, people are just taking pictures grabbing at you. Just no privacy, yeah.
Speaker 4:I remember walking through Manhattan and you know where the MTV, where they play all the yeah Times Square, right. So I'm walking by that building and Don King walks by me. We're walking down the street, I go, don King he's like hey, yeah, and I just kept on walking.
Speaker 2:I just said.
Speaker 4:I just like was saying yo you know like, oh shit.
Speaker 1:Don King, kind of thing, you know. And I just was saying yo, you're like, oh shit, don't take, kind of thing. I didn't bother him, I just kept on going. That thing bothers them. So much is the stop and talk. Right, yeah, no, listen, I don't want to bug this guy.
Speaker 4:And if I was in a restaurant I would never do that. I would be like, oh shit, check it out.
Speaker 2:But I would never get kids, you know you know what's funny.
Speaker 2:So I went a bunch of years ago I went to, uh, fuck, master flex. He's a dj, oh right, and he had a uh, a um, a car show, a celebrity car show, okay, and I went out to go see. I went, I went to a bunch of his shits and I'm gonna tell you what all the celebrities that were there, the people, the fans, were so like what's up up, how you doing? And it was it, yo, good to see you, and that was it. Busta Rhymes is walking through the freaking through the crowd, like, just like, eh, you know, like it wasn't even like he was out there, like it wasn't none of that. He was just chilling, hanging out with everybody. You know what I mean chilling, hanging out with everybody. You know what I mean wycliffe. Wycliffe is the most amazing person I've like celebrity I've ever seen. He was like you know what? You come here, come sit in my car. I know you know you don't make that, but you made me who I am.
Speaker 4:You come sit on my because you're the fans and everything, because that's how, that's how kisses kiss is all about. Yes, exactly, they're all about the fans, man, they're these guys put us here, so for me in the hip hop world.
Speaker 2:Mostly the things that I've seen I've been to, you know concerts and I said, at the car, shows and walking in the street or whatever Hip hop artists have actually been the most most humble, like they appreciate their fans. You know what I mean. They glad that you came to see them and whatnot, and I don't think I've ever seen anyone be have narcissistic tendencies.
Speaker 3:And I'm thinking about it. I mean, you see some, some guys, just you know, whether it's music or sports, some people just get it and realize that, like you know, I got to be good to people.
Speaker 4:Sometimes it takes a little. Sometimes, I guess maybe they start out, but then eventually maybe something humbles them down the way and they figure it out. You know, they're not like that person, like Mike Tyson.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the guys that stay afterwards and sign every one of the grads.
Speaker 4:Yeah, right, the kids that are waiting.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly, I remember one time years ago, when Curtis Grandison was playing for the Mets and we were before the game, we were down by the railing waiting to take a picture and they came over to him and said oh, come on, curtis, you got to go, we got to get going. He said no, hang on, there are more people here.
Speaker 2:And waited.
Speaker 3:There was like 10 more kids. He waited, took pictures and autographs with all of them and stuff like that.
Speaker 4:That's great, that's awesome, that's awesome. Yeah, you know when they do that, you know that's great when they do that.
Speaker 1:They also have their private life.
Speaker 4:when you don't you know if they're going somewhere and they're running into a building, you leave them alone, you don't bother with them. Besides, I don't think I would feel comfortable doing that to somebody anyway, you know just walking up to them and say yeah you know, but, um, I remember working as a doorman in Manhattan right near the FDR. It was one of the buildings and I remember only because we seen people.
Speaker 4:Reagan was in the car and drove by you know, and they were waving and everything Cause people were standing waiting for them to come by and everything. So I remember seeing that because they closed the FDR down and he was going to wherever he was, yeah, whatever he was, right, exactly. So it was pretty cool. I remember that day. That was pretty cool.
Speaker 2:Dude, if you stopped being a doorman, I would have stayed being a doorman.
Speaker 4:Yeah, well, hey, I was young, yeah yeah, well, shit happens bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know I know, I know I'm just talking shit now, because you know certain things I would love to have been able to do but 32b, 32j union, that's what it is, yeah that's great. That's great well. So again, I think that it just depends on the person. If correct me if I'm wrong that they are just, it's not just what they do or how they are, they're just. To me, being a narcissist is a borderline asshole. Yeah well, pretty much.
Speaker 4:And it could be how you're raised.
Speaker 3:Also, I concur, some people are just raised right and their parents taught them to be polite and be respectful and appreciate how you got there, and others have taught you to be a jerk and do whatever you have to do. You know, climb over people and step on people to get to the top.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:And don't care about what you're doing. It doesn't matter who you step on. I'm sorry, no, no go ahead you finish.
Speaker 2:Have you ever heard of anybody, I guess, saying sorry, sorry, so I'm a super narcissist. Now something may have happened and now they just come down and they're just like oh snap, I'm sorry for being like that, and that could happen. Like, yeah, I'm asking have you ever yeah, I worked in.
Speaker 3:I worked in recovery for yes 25 years, I mean. So, yeah, you see, you see a lot of people who were top of the heap and got involved in substances and became addicted and hit rock bottom and, through 12-step recovery programs, got their lives back and became real grateful, changed who they are and how they treated people. So, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, see, that's cool man. I mean, I guess it's like anything else Lesson learned, yeah, and now you're better.
Speaker 4:Well, I'm sure that happened to all of us at some point right With something in our lives where we were like all right, I'm not doing that anymore. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:So now, because we're those guys right here, not you so much. You're nicer than than lou and I. But so now I'm here, we go right. So now we believe on a regular, all day, every day, that when we're saying something to people, I'm right, just trust what I'm saying and just just go do it. Trust me, it's gonna be that way. When we're right and was like see, I told you how you just done it from the beginning, I don't know.
Speaker 4:Think if it's naturally right question. No, I don't think that's how right that's my question. No, I don't think that's how we really. I don't usually handle it that way. I think it's more like if, let's say, it's with my wife and I try to explain something to her and she doesn't understand and.
Speaker 4:I have to go through each step to make her understand, because you know Tanya. And then when I go she goes oh all right, I get it. You know I don't have that thing where I'm right and just trust me. You know, kind of like you know, because I'm the, you know, like a narcissism type thing, more of a listen I'm telling you, trust me, I'll do it. Like if there's something I need to fix or do something for her, when I do it she's like oh okay, I get it. Just like, give me a second, watch me doing what I'm doing. You know like I'll explain it or I'll show you. I got an idea, I know what to do or whatever, if there's something that needs to be repaired or anything like that, or if I have an idea but I don't think we're dicks about it though, Well, I know I am.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to say that doesn't mean you're a narcissist, that just means you're an asshole. Okay, fair enough All right fair enough, you're an asshole.
Speaker 4:I'm sure I could be Listen sometimes we know our shit right, yeah, right.
Speaker 3:Like if I tell you this is going to happen, like if you do this, this is going to happen, the chances are it's going to happen, because I've done it a hundred times right you know like, like I, I, you know the. I guess you know the difference between being 50 and being 20 is that I got 30 years more experience right right, not that I'm smarter than you, I've just seen more, yeah right, so you've seen the same thing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I'm gonna tell you right, this is what's gonna happen. This is what you gotta do and you know what's funny about that, though we're at that age now, right so when we were those people, when we were younger and people were saying fuck you, I don't want to hear that shit.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, whatever. And then you become that person because later on, hopefully in life, you've gotten older, you got experience, you went through the hard bed, you know, and they rounded you to be a decent person, you know. And now you're different than that person you were when you were like yeah, yeah, whatever. Now you're like no, really, listen to me, I want to tell you what's going on.
Speaker 1:You're younger, right, You're younger, I think like my first girlfriend. We were standing behind the school or something like that, and we were smoking cigarettes 17 or whatever. This old lady passed out. She said you've got to be careful when you get older you could have health problems. And when you get older you know you could have health problems.
Speaker 4:And we're like what the fuck is this? Yeah right, much of business, ladies.
Speaker 1:She's right, she's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I mean I think for me and my thought process on it all.
Speaker 3:well, for me, like I said, just talking about myself is because people have called me narcissist and I'm laughing because, but I was there, I, I know, I, I well, when it's something you know, that's just throwing around the term, you know yeah, right, they're just being an ass to you, they're just yeah, yeah because, because, like this, doing one thing like that doesn't make you a narcissist, just means that you're, like, really confident in what you're doing right it's like you know, or is that? There's this? And your information like up when I was younger, my parents were really stupid. It's amazing how much they learned as I got older. You know like we learn stuff, we learn from experience and we pass it on.
Speaker 3:But sometimes we got to realize that people, we've got to let the younger people in our lives make the same mistakes, go through the same shit, the same mistakes that we do, as long as it's not, you know, as long as it's not going to hurt them and it's not dangerous and they're not going to lose all their money or something like that.
Speaker 4:It's okay to let our kids screw up now and then and learn from the consequences. You know, when I think about it, I think about my kids. So you know, robbie, I try it. When I let's say there's something going on with his kid or something's going on, and the first instinct is to give them. You know, the first instinct is to give them help. You know, to help them out, give them information, say hey, by the way, did you guys do this?
Speaker 4:But I'm always conscious of the fact that I don't want to be that kind of person. So I'm like listen, I'll do more like listen. I'm just saying this, not because I'm saying I'm right or anything. I just want to throw it out there, in case you didn't try it yet, you know, and then just explain what it is, that I'm going about right and and it worked, as usually. It's the best way, because then we have a good conversation. He's like, yeah, I tried that, and then he'll go, and then we'll laugh and I'll go. I remember when you were little or whatever was going on, and it makes the conversation easier than to try to say, all right, you're going to be stubborn, you're not going to listen to me, forget it now. They don't want to listen to you because they're pissed off, because you're just nagging them to death. So I don't want to do that. So I try to not do that. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I try to catch myself.
Speaker 3:I'm not saying I'm perfect, but you know I just try, because you know you want to do that every once in a while. You got it, you got it. Oh, you know what it's funny when the kids.
Speaker 4:You know, uh, there was a thing on on social media the other night on being a gentle parent, gentle learning, right, and it was videos of the parents Right and one woman was saying Don't do that with the bucket, listen, come on, get your foot out. It was the third time. Foot out, get gone.
Speaker 4:So for me that's where we grew up. So you know that was a Gen X, because that's what was said to us when we were growing up. And it works because you know you try, first You're nice, you say please don't, and then you know it's just a quick burst of a couple words to kind of get your attention and say hello. I only bring it up because when I think of my son, that's kind of stuff, but again, I try not to interrupt when he's Explaining, no, when he's doing something with his kids, like if they're with me in front of you know, again, first instinct is to kind of jump in and help. I guess as a parent okay right.
Speaker 4:But they're not my kid, he's my grandkid, right, they're my grandchildren, right. But I'm thinking you know what this is, this shit, whether I like it or agree or not, you know, whatever it is, they have to figure it out on their own. So I try not to get get involved, you know, like? What did daddy say? What did mom say?
Speaker 1:And I think that's. I think some grandparents kind of mess up on that one where they try to apply the same rules Right.
Speaker 3:You ever met anything? And you say hey.
Speaker 1:Oversee of their boundaries.
Speaker 4:Get my mom and dad out of here.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right but then with that grandparents doing that would.
Speaker 3:Listen, you know, we all I'll quote, like Liam Neeson, right? We all have our own special set of skills.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're good at stuff. Yeah, you're good at some stuff.
Speaker 3:I'm good at stuff, you're good, you're all good at stuff and when we get an opportunity to kind of flex on that we're going to.
Speaker 4:Does that make us narcissists?
Speaker 3:No, I don't think so it's like we do shit good and we want to share it. We want to share the skills the same way. If I can't do something, I'm going to ask somebody that can. My friend is an accountant. He does my taxes because he's really good at it.
Speaker 3:I'm not and I'll help him with stuff that I'm good at, and all throughout the line with people. So that's different. That's not being a narcissist, it's just utilizing the resources in your life, utilizing your friends. I don't want to use the word use, because we're not even using them Right?
Speaker 4:no, You're reaching out.
Speaker 3:We do stuff for the people that are in our lives that we love and we care about. It doesn't mean we're narcissistic. And when it comes to, like our children, or even our parents, you know, as they get older, like sometimes we tell them stuff because it's the right thing to do, because what they're doing you know is is wrong. You know, like my mother, clicking on links on emails- don't do that.
Speaker 4:Don't do that. I was doing that with my dad too. I'm like dad, do not pick up the phone, just let it ring, yeah yeah, you're right, you're right, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1:Does that make me a no?
Speaker 4:it means I'm protecting my mom, because she doesn't know better at this point in time. Yeah, stuff like that, yeah, but what you said before, too, was that we're not narcissists in the sense like you're saying, because we can reach out to people, we're humble enough to say you know what? I can't figure this out. I got this out. I gotta call so and so to help me out.
Speaker 4:No, like I'll call my I'll call my cousin fred, or I'll reach out to jerry, right, because these guys know their shit. So if something's going on and I have to do something that I need to work on, I'll call either one of them and say, hey, this is going on.
Speaker 4:I kind of have an idea what's this, but you guys are a little bit better on this so I would check with that and I have no problem learning, like, if I don't know something, I'm going to double check. So I would check with them and I have no problem learning, like if I don't know something, I'm going to say, hey, this is beyond my set skill, I'm not, you know, going to, I got to call somebody or I have to. We may have to get a vendor in here or something, but at least you're, you don't have ego to the point where, oh, I'll figure it out, instead of being stubborn and just getting someone out there who can do it, instead of being stubborn and just getting someone out there who can do it and then they can maybe show you when they get there or whatever, and then you know for next time kind of thing that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Just learn from it. That makes sense.
Speaker 4:I think that's funny and at the same time, like Steve was saying, we share our knowledge right? We hope we can, but we don't want to push it on anybody.
Speaker 3:We want to.
Speaker 4:But you're not going up to a stranger in the supermarket and saying, hey, let me just tell you something, what you should be doing.
Speaker 2:That had a lettuce. You picked it up wrong. Yeah, you picked it up wrong.
Speaker 4:You didn't check the seed to make sure, exactly.
Speaker 2:Well, I will tell you. You know, every time we have one of these groovy ones, I did realize. Well, I guess I already knew I'm that borderline asshole. I think we all are to some extent, yeah yeah, like you know, I just like oh, we all have I am.
Speaker 4:You know, my wife calls me if I say so that I'm always a smart ass to her right. Yeah, so, and she'll go jerk yeah like that's my nickname, that's when she does that, I smile. Yeah, you know, I'm like babe just trying to make you laugh, you know, but of course she's not taking it that way. Right, right, right. But so, yes, I think we all have that right. I think is it like we all have each of those things, but we know how to balance them out the best that we can, kind of.
Speaker 3:Even like the nicest caring people that we think of, like we picture in our head right. Aren't they kind of? They're kind of like preachy to us in a different way, Like, oh, you just have to let everything go, Right, you have to forget it, and why don't you pray on that? I mean, all great advice, right, but it's the same thing as as as you kind of telling somebody in a in a demanding way how to do something, it's the same.
Speaker 3:We. That's their set of skills that they're good at, and you know it's probably a thing to do is listen to people every once in a while. We're not narcissists, so we know that we don't know everything. So we need to just be more open to suggestions and to trying new things and sharing our experience with other people and asking other people for help too, Whether it's people you know, whether it's peers, or whether it's older or younger people. Like you know, I ask my kids for help all the time on stuff.
Speaker 4:I do too. I call my when it comes to certain things. I'm not ashamed to call my son and say, hey, if it comes to like certain things with a 401k or other things or whatever it is, you know that, I know he's going to know. Whatever it is, you know like, I know he's going to know and I'm going to call him up and say, hey, bud, let's you know, explain this to me. I heard this the other day on the radio and a brother oh yeah, this is what it means that I'm like oh, all right, cool, you know, in layman's terms, I'm like listen, remember, I'm an idiot, so you have to talk to me in layman a brainiac and I'm not right, so you need to like dumb it down, so I can
Speaker 3:understand which she's like you're a jerk and that's. I want to get that. I used to, when people used to call me for appointments and stuff like that. I used to thank them for calling me because I said it takes a lot of courage to to reach out when you, when you, need help and I've and just from being and really it's a poor excuse, but from being so busy, I've kind of lost that and I've got to get back to doing that.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:Because it really is. It's like we need to be able to ask people for help.
Speaker 4:I was just saying your mic, oh no, yeah no.
Speaker 2:I'm going back and forth with it. Yeah, yeah, no, listen, I think that you know, I guess, for us, when we question what narcissism is, those who are listening now I understand better. You know of what it is. Because I really, like I said, people tell me you know? Oh, you're a narcissist. What the fuck? Because I know what I'm talking about, like, why are you so nasty about it?
Speaker 3:Right, like why are you so nasty about it? No, I'm overly confident and I express my opinions and beliefs without invitation.
Speaker 2:So I'm an asshole, but I'm not an arsehole.
Speaker 3:I'm pushy but I'm not an arsehole.
Speaker 4:But you're compassionate I mean you are. You look out for people, like when something's going on and we've talked, and you look at the other side of things versus what you know, saying that you know to try to be helpful. So at least that's a good thing, man, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're not an asshole.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But some people don't see it as such, because I'm trying to look out for it could be whatever's going on with them bro.
Speaker 3:And also you're looking at the situation and where you're doing it.
Speaker 2:You're doing it at work right Anywhere, like you know just anywhere. I do that. Okay, you know like, oh, look out for this. You know like so boom, I'm at the store or whatever, and I'll see something going on. You know I'm like, hey, you know, yo be careful. You know something like that. There's like some people appreciate it.
Speaker 4:Some don't, yeah, and some don't and some don't. Today I was going to get on to. I was coming from one of the houses we were working at and the truck had to make a wire turn 18 wheeler. So I made sure I turned out of the way and he saw me do it. I'm like, oh, and I turned out of the way so he could make the wire turn, nothing. I was like you're welcome, and he just screamed it right out the window. That's all you gotta do.
Speaker 1:Nod your head. But that you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah and just screaming right out the window, just give a wave, that's all you got to do. Nod your head.
Speaker 4:Nod your head. You know like thank you, you know. But that you know.
Speaker 2:But now was he done with his turn.
Speaker 4:He was already done.
Speaker 2:He was already, because sometimes it's like you know, no, no, no, he was like boom when I'm on the for an 18-wheeler, so that this way he knows he can.
Speaker 4:Right, do the same thing to move in front of me. I also put on my hazard lights if I let's say they let me go or something goes. Yeah right, I put my hazard lights on so they could see it blink twice or how many times it says thank you, I try to do that too. So we do think of the other things and we do have that point where, if people get stupid, you're going to be an asshole.
Speaker 3:Listen, that's just a way to live life right. Try and be, kind and courteous, say please and thank you. Right, exactly, it's a good, good way to go about things.
Speaker 1:I think, so.
Speaker 3:And listen. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes people stand at the ladder machine and piss you off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3:Or sometimes you're just going through and you forget. But just you know, just once you remember, do it, do it again. Just be nice, just try and be nice yeah, definitely, but so again, and don't and don't, don't kneel at the edge of the river and right and then, don't stare at yourself all day
Speaker 2:long, yeah, it doesn't matter how sexy you think you are.
Speaker 4:Well, before we go, I want to do something I want to shout out to Lola Hemp, I'm wearing your hat tonight. All right, go to lolahempcom. They have the full spectrum CBD for dogs. They have different varieties. It's helped my Jeter out humongously. It was great. I mean everything. He's just like a totally different dog and I'm happy that I was able to talk with them and they guided me through that. So I wanted to do that for them tonight. We also put their link on our On the original episode.
Speaker 1:On the original episode. So we linked it up.
Speaker 4:So I wanted to do that first, before we ended the show, otherwise, ladies and gentlemen, yes, thank you for tuning in.
Speaker 2:Appreciate you coming back here hanging out with us.
Speaker 3:Again, I need a more comfortable chair.
Speaker 4:We were going to work on that. This is really hurting my ass.
Speaker 2:Sorry about that. We'll give you a cushion on the next one, Right exactly. That's great. All right. So with that, thank everybody for listening, for watching and all that other good stuff. Love, peace Greece. Live long and prosper. Go vegan.
Speaker 3:And let's go Mets.
Speaker 2:Bye.
